OUR STARTING FIVE

Our "#5" at about 11 weeks in the womb (meaning only around 9 weeks after conception)
"How Great...Is Our God...?"

So, I'm sitting here with only a couple more hours of a completely peaceful house. I can actually hear the interviews on SportsCenter (instead of giving up because of the noise and changing the channel to PBS Kids or an "On Demand Show"). Yet, the silence is deafening...the peacefulness seems empty, missing purpose. Ironically, this is what I often long for at least 5 times a day :). How did I score an empty, quiet house when we have 4 extremely "high spirited" children, ages 2, 3, 5, & 7? My incredible saint of a mother: retired, volunteer responsibilities galore, nearing 70 years old...and totally selfless, full of love for her grandkids, and an amazing energy & creativity for making almost everything simply fun. She could sense my despair...complete physical and emotional exhaustion as I neared the end of our 5th pregnancy after tackling a super busy Christmas season followed by a vicious stomach bug that wiped out our whole house...without the occasional breaks that I once got from working a part time job or from my "friend-family" in VA who always helped out when needed. She swooped in and rescued our children from their tired, hormonal momma and whisked them away to Mammaw & Pappaw Danny's farm for a change of pace and scenery over 2 days & 3 nights. 

I thought I would spend every moment of "freedom" tackling a mile-long to do list. Even now, I keep feeling twinges of guilt that I'm not putting away laundry or taking down the naked Christmas tree. Instead, I have enjoyed two adult restaurant dinners and an ice-cream date with my husband, an uninterrupted lengthy phone conversation with my best friend in VA, a 3 hr lunch catching up with a dear friend with whom I never spend time (she lives just 20 minutes away, but we'll soon have 11 children between the 2 of us, enough said), and running a day full of errands SOLO. This agenda is most likely what my mom actually intended for me to accomplish...not my never ending task list that will never be completely checked off and only added to with every waking moment anyway :).

Sooo...the dog and I sit here listening to this very unfamiliar quiet, and I am reflecting on our awesome growing family. Only about one month to go (maybe even less) of being a family of 6 before we meet our 7th Crazy Crew team member...the completion of our "Starting 5" (or our "Scoring 5," depending on your sports preference being Basketball or Cross Country :). Some of you "get to know" our Crew through my facebook posts, but very few folks have had an inside peek to our total quirkiness: Anna's insanely competitive, strong, persistent will...balanced by a ridiculously quick wit and cutting humor; Joey's contagious giggle, over the top tender heart, and complete mastery of scatter-brainedness; Evie's Jekyl & Hyde-like sweet & firey sides with a skill for charming the pants off anyone who spends 5 minutes with her; and Mollie's sassy, yet somehow sweet, demanding nature that leaves you wondering HOW she just won another battle that the other 3 never could have mastered. Bobby and I try desperately to maintain control, but we're pretty thankful that ultimately, they're all in God's hands. And I just pray that despite our human flaws and daily mistakes, that we somehow help lead them to a deep, personal relationship with our Father that will guide every step of their future when we, as parents, have even less control.

And now, I feel this new baby roll, kick, push and stretch around in my belly, and tears fill my eyes as a smile overtakes my whole face and heart. Yes, I am odd...that's no surprise to anyone who knows me well. I LOVE being pregnant...yes, it's been much more challenging, painful, exhausting, and nauseating the 5th time around at age 37 than it was the 1st time at 29/30...but I could never take the amazing feelings of my body being the home for one of God's greatest miracles for over 9 months for granted! I've spent 194+ weeks pregnant since June 2004 (will be 200 if I go full-term). The sickness, fatigue, discomfort in moving & breathing, varicose veins, crazy body transformations and pains, etc. still pale in comparison to the joy of growing a precious living being. It's a phase of life that I thought I'd left behind for the last time after our 4th child was born. We "knew" we were done having babies. Four is a nice, even number, right? New home in a new city, moving on to a new phase of life and finally lots of room and growing freedom for our family of six, right? Crazy as it sounds, while my head always said "ENOUGH," my heart always said "REALLY? Is it?" I would count my kids before leaving a playground or crowded area, and although I'd see 4, I'd still feel like someone was missing. Mollie hit 15 months and I realized she was our only child to ever make it that far in life without a younger sibling on the way...and it made me really sad. However, it made NO sense for us to have another child. So I jumped back into harder training and returned to racing for the first time in six years, researched Nursing school and thought about applying for a program when Mollie was a couple years older. We had already given away EVERY piece of maternity and baby clothing and baby equipment when we moved back to KY. And I resolved to move on to the next phase of life with excitement and peace, waiting to see what doors God would open and close and praying for Him to speak to Bobby and me about the same vision for our future as we attempted our best to raise our 4 amazing children under His guidance.

Oh, He spoke to both of us, alright...LOUDLY! In the form of a positive little test...that I took 3 times to be sure I was seeing correctly, waited 2 days to relay the results to my husband, and held off until nearly the end of a pretty miserable 1st trimester before we had the nerve to share the info with family and friends!  Obviously, after the shock wore off, we embraced His precious blessing! I praise God daily for this opportunity to feel life leap inside me again...thank Him constantly for the joy on our children's faces as they talk about the new baby...and wait in excited anticipation for His guidance on just how we're gonna do all this. He knows when we get content and begin to lean on our own understanding and provision. He knows exactly what our families need to push us just past the line of self-fulfilling peace, so that we MUST seek His perfect peace that surpasses all human understanding. 

As I snap back to Momma reality and head out to pick up the wild ones and begin the mad dash of dentist appointments, basketball practices, dinner, laundry, never-ending LOUD chaos, schoolwork, church activities, and half-done personal tasks and home projects, I know I will feel challenged, overwhelmed, and inadequate. However, I have an even bigger smile on my face and in my heart after being given these rare, sweet (ok, sappy) moments of reflection on our Crazy Crew. And I am forever grateful that God made me this completely incomplete person...so that I HAVE to rely on Him and the incredible husband, family, and friends that He's placed in my life. And hopefully that humbling, important lesson is one our Starting Five will learn from us early in life :).